She is in my trunk
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
