take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
