We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize