My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
