I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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