I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
