I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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