So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
