Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
