I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
