I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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