Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm passing your future prison.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
