Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
