I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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