So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
