i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
