Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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