mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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