why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
