Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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