well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
