i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
