Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
As shirtless as possible
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
