All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
