Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
