you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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