They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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