i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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