apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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