I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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