The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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