Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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