Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
