They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
