Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
