I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
