I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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