I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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