There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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