okay pat passed out under dana's car
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
how drunk are you?
Several
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
