I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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