So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
