I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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