Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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