So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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