I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Still dying that you shit outside
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
