i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
