I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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