im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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