wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
