theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
