Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
