6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do vagina's smell?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize