Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
