Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
