I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
