I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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