another moral hangover. fuck.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
