You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
