It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize