There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
