What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
