Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
