I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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