Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
