he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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