so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
