i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
