I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
