its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
