He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
