I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
