I wish I could teleport
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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